Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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