Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
