Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
