my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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