Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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