best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
