it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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