oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
