since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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