when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
