yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
