zippers are such a cool invention
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
