Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
