She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
