good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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