hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Enjoy the penises
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
