if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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