That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
