the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
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Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
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He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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