it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
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mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
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Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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