dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
