Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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