Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
