If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
