do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Randomize
