I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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