Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize