i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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