I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you traded sex for a burrito?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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