i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
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Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
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"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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