If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
