Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
