all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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