Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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