last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize