Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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