Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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