I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
