GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
