What a fucking waste of an outfit
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
