Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
