I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It's never too late to be topless.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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