my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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