ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
