Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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