saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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