Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
