I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
