For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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