Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
