"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
