just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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