I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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