:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
