I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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