I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You don't make any sense
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