Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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