I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You smell like a Billy Joel song
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
