Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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