I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
