After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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