I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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